Written by Sanford Begley
Teens Hot Topics
Wife Unit (WU) is normally great to shop with. When we arrive at a store she has a list and we go get it. A little browsing through what is on sale, especially clearance, and we are on our way. The sole exception to this is a Hell on Earth Called Ikea. A torture device designed to make HU scream “Buy any effing thing you want, just let me out of here!”
So when DU2 and DU3 wanted to go someplace called “HotTopix” to spend their Christmas loot I was unconcerned. WU said it would take about half an hour and she would take SU1 along with them. I was going to laze around the rather cozy entrance to the mall and enjoy some unseasonable winter sun. Smoke a cigarette or two and relax. A stress free time without the children would be marvelous. I love them, but I’m out of practice of having them around full time. A perfect little break in the routine.
Now I expected to wait a little; all men have experience with waiting on a woman. Brad Paisley and Andy Griffith even joined forces on a song about it. One of many songs and stories on the topic, it seems to be a universal experience. Another universal experience is finding that the store you are waiting for them to return from is not the one you think they are going to. In this particular instance the teen’s HotTopix was actually Hot Topic. Not a problem, I’m just an older fellow who is not with it on what is hip. I think the age where men cease to understand what women think is hip is about three.
While enjoying my break from pretending to be a responsible adult, I watched the Strange Wildlife that approached the mall on various expeditions. There was an adorable little girl, blond curls and blue eyes holding her father’s hand and looking up under her lashes at a little dark eyed boy. He was clutching his mother’s skirt and half hiding behind her. Like all children they became friends in a moment. They fought and hated each other the next, then puberty came along and they dated. They broke up and got back together several times. Eventually they married. Soon a little boy made them three, until his sister made them four. Their little girl grew up to become a lovely lady. The boy, when he finished college, joined the marines…
About this time I decided I had been there long enough and went looking for the wife unit. I met my family right after they left the toy store where they went to bribe SU1 after dragging him through every girlie store in the mall. Remember, gents: teens and a mall will make you old before your time.