I’m sitting here quietly. I’ve written the Mad Genius post, my dear husband brought me coffee, but the apartment is mostly dark still. The laptop is warm on my legs, and honestly I just am not yet ready for lights, action, cooking…
I’m working on learning how to relax. This is a good season of my life to get that lesson into my brain. There is plenty to keep my mind humming like a plucked high-tension wire. Thing is? I’ve done what I need to do. I am working my job, I’ve applied, and slowly there are interviews appearing on the horizon. They are followed shortly by the event horizon of ‘job is done’ as my company closes, but… that’s not in my control.
So. I can vibrate with anxiety, or I can sit here and mindfully put down my thoughts. Pull them out of my head, give them shapes, then pick them back up thoughtfully and turn them over and look at all sides of the matter. Do I want to cram that spiky thing back into my consciousness? It’s not real. It’s a figment of ‘what could be’ or perhaps ‘what might have been’ so no, I don’t think that it’s serving any purpose. I can let it dissipate.
And there are times, like last night before bed, where I just want to… not think. This isn’t actually possible for me. Best I can do is slow the mental activity to a trickle, just have a thought here and there. Slowing it down, making it warm and syrupy in my head, that does help. That’s my relaxed state. For one thing, it’s easier to keep up with ‘is this helpful?’ when I’m in that condition. When the thoughts are flowing through my head like a swarm of angry cyber wasps who have their brights on, I can’t keep track. It’s very real, and I start to lose myself in the melee.
It’s a fleeting moment. Then there is a dog acting half her age on her walk. A boy with a deep voice wanting to talk to me. And a meal to prepare for sharing with friends.
Life is good. It truly is. Nothing is certain, no, but then again, when is life guaranteed?