The Elite Daily Fisk

Here’s a long and insightful look at a recent article on feminism. This is not my work, but rather that of the all-around good guy, veteran, and poet Jonathan LaForce. For those who didn’t know, a ‘fisk’ is a step-by-step take on an article, where it went wrong, and why.

For my readers, I am a woman. If feminism were truly about striving toward equality, respect, and a world where men and women coud coexist peacefully, I would be proud to call myself a feminist. However, the movement has been corrupted into a war between the sexes, and is frankly toxic to our young people in particular. I am delighted to host Jonathan’s words here on my blog, as a mother, a fiance, and a daughter.

The Elite Daily Fisk

by Jonathan LaForce

Elite Daily decided to do an article entitled “If I Were A Boy: 12 Women Share They’d Do Differently If They Were Treated The Same As Men”. I can see eye-rolling from the back of the classroom, but please bear with me people. It gets better.

You see, it wasn’t enough to just throw this out, no, in today’s modern world, they had to have pictures to go with it. Yes chilluns we gonna fisk the pictures too. Just because I’m a cis-gendered heteronormative fascist male supporter of the patriarchy doesn’t mean I leave somebody out- everybody gets hated equally.

Following the International Lord of Hate’s Example, the original text is in italics, my commentary is interspersed throughout.

When we’re young, we’re told that boys and girls all have the same fair shot to get what they want out of life. We’re taught that everyone has the same right to compete for jobs, and to achieve these dreams.

When we are little, we aren’t jaded enough to believe we can’t aspire to be anything we set our sights on.
But then… we grow up.
We don’t think we’ll ever be fighting for our right to be heard, to have a voice. We don’t realize men in power will decide how, and when, and where we do what we want to our bodies. We don’t even think that the world will write us a set of different rules.
Twelve Elite Daily employees answered what they would do differently if they were men — if they were truly equal – and every answer was different, unique, inspiring and encouraging — and that’s just the beginning

Good start, but then it takes this sudden dramatic turn- women get treated differently than men! What a shocking concept! The writer deserves a Nobel Prize just for making this incredible discovery. Not. You have two entirely different physiologies and psychologies at play here, so why wouldn’t they deserve to be handled accordingly? It also makes an assumption- that men never have to fight for the right to be heard. Or that we aren’t told daily what to do with our bodies.

The sign: “If I were a boy I wouldn’t mistake a woman’s kindness for weakness.”
“A warm and friendly disposition doesn’t translate to vulnerability. My kind words and personable nature aren’t an invitation to the bedroom.” 

That’s nice. Obviously you must only hang out with immature high-school-attending teenagers. The kind that glorify Jersey Shore as role models. Because men who’ve had a few years to mature and grow up know better. And generally speaking, they act better. To quote the comedic genius of Katt Williams “Ladies! On the other hand, if you twenty five years or older and you still walking around saying niggas ain’t shit, you need to get a handle on your motherfuckin’ life and take responsibility bitch! What you mean to say all the niggas you fuck with ain’t shit. You need to figure out what’s wrong with your pussy that keeps attracting ‘ain’t-shit niggas.”

The sign: If I were a boy I’d appreciate a girl’s ability to express her emotions.”
“Men aren’t so lucky; they are conditioned from an early age to keep it all inside.”

We most certainly are! Every day growing up, until I was 19 and moved out of my parents’ house I was told to hold all of my emotions in and never show anybody anything. You can ask the people I went to school and church what I was like. They’ll tell you I was very epitome of calm stoicism.

And that would be a humongous lie. I was the asshole that came to school every day looking for a fight and daring somebody to try me. I told my sophomore English teacher she was a useless fat fucking c**t (turns out I was wrong, she simply a progressive bigot who liked hating on blacks and Asians). I joined the wrestling team just so I could beat people up and not get in trouble for it. My reputation preceded me, to the point that the parents of respectable young women refused to let their daughters attend school dances with me. I could have obtained crack cocaine, hell I could have obtained RPGs and automatic weapons easier than a homecoming or prom date. I wish I had been able to keep it all inside!

The real problem lies in the fact that men and women express emotion differently. We not only view it very differently, we handle it differently. Being emotional, around other men means being vulnerable to whatever it is that guys do to each other (We are hard wired to be competitive. In any group of males, there is always comparisons being made to sort out who is the dominant one in the room.) We hate being vulnerable. It’s as much a matter of trust and love as anything else. Likewise, when we see women do it, we don’t know what you want. If you share emotions, you better tell us what you want us to do, because we can’t read your mind and we aren’t your girlfriends.

The Sign: If I were a boy, I’d never tell a woman to ‘smile’.
“Because this is my face and no man gets to tell me what I should do. If I want to smile, I’ll smile. No one has the right to dictate my feelings.”

Now this one I’ll admit I didn’t see coming. Who knew women are offended when a man suggests that they smile? Oh the agony of it all! Because there’s no reason in the world a man could possibly want you to smile about anything. Except that maybe he thinks you’re beautiful, and wishes you’d smile more, because it’s a side of you he likes to see. Little tip ladies: men are visual learners. We go off what we see. And if it looks lovely and praiseworthy, we chase after it with vigor. A pretty woman’s smile is the kind of thing that makes a man’s day go from sucking to perfectly awesome. Take it for what it’s worth- a compliment. And if you’re not feeling good, and you don’t want to smile, expect that we’ll try to fix that problem. Because we want to see you smile.

The sign: If I were a boy, I wouldn’t assume that buying you a drink means you’re coming home with me.
“Buying a drink is a great way to break the ice, but that doesn’t mean I have an obligation to ‘hook up’ with you in any way. I am more than capable of buying my own drink, thank you.”

When I was an active-duty Marine, I went out on weekends with friends as their DD at the bars and clubs all over Waikiki. Never once saw one of my brothers assume that just because they bought the coed down the bar a drink she was going home with them. Maybe they used it to break the ice and talk to her for a while. Maybe they even got her number and a date for the night after. But we never assumed we were going to pick up a woman at a bar and get laid that night. That happens in Hollywood, not real life. And if you could afford your own drinks, you wouldn’t be nursing the same beer an hour later. Or only drinking cheap beer because you’re too broke to afford anything else.

The Sign: If I were a boy I’d educate myself about feminism.
“I think if more people took the time to understand the true definition and motives, the word would stop being so ‘ugly.’ There’s nothing ugly about equality.”

Equality. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. Yes, I just quoted Princess Bride. Happens to be one of the few movies my wife and I watch together. Equality means sameness, to give everyone the same things. This only works if we all start from the same place. What you really want is ‘equity’. Why? Simple. Equity is ‘fairness’. Everybody gets access to the same opportunities.

Everybody has the ability to apply for Harvard. Not everybody can make it into Harvard though. It has specific guidelines which must be met. Is this wrong? Should those who can’t measure up to the academic standards be denied entrance? Sure, because it’s pretty well foregone as a conclusion that low-capability students won’t be able to maintain the rigorous academics placed upon them by their professors. Is that racist? No. Is that sexist? No. Is that bigoted? No. That’s reality. The modern liberal proponents of feminism fail to comprehend this and spend all their time ranting at men, as if all men are to blame for their current status in life. There is everything ugly about equality when you use it as an excuse to walk all over the same men who would’ve otherwise been willing to support your endeavor.

The sign: If I were a boy, I’d treat girls as humans that should be respected.
“We’re all in this thing together and we need to help each other understand what makes us different.”

Here we hit one of the many vague ideals- Respect. How men and women show each other respect is entirely different. Men punch each other, make fun of each other, prank each other and in general are mean to each other. Women do it in a completely opposite manner. You can’t demand equality, then turn around in the next sentence and demand we treat you like one of your girlfriends. That’s unfair to us. Congratulations, now whom is prejudicial? That’s right! You are. Well done. You’re an idiot. Now, if on the other hand, she’d said “…Respected and here’s what I expect (fill in the blank)” that would make sense. But she’s left it ambiguous. For all I know she wants me to say goodbye to her the same way the aliens in Scary Movie 3 go about it.

The Sign: If I were a boy I’d be courteous and remember to put the seat down.
“Sometimes it’s the smaller everyday gestures that signify respect. Let’s all be mindful of each other.”

What she’s saying in the article is brilliant and genuinely a great ideal to strive for. Men should be cognizant of this, and it’s something we learn with time. However, that sign, that’s just plain rude. We need the seat up, you need the seat down. Unless your hands and arms are broke, please don’t stand around complaining about something that takes all of two seconds to accomplish. Unless you’re going to install a urinal in the bathroom, don’t complain at us for leaving the toilet how we need it. Or do our needs not matter at all?

The Sign: If I were a boy, I’d be able to make choices about own body
“Only I have the right to decide what to do with my body: the type of birth control I use or when and if I have sex. Boys don’t have to worry about the government deciding whether or not they can have an abortion.”

You have that right and choice already- until you decide to bring government money into it. Unless it’s combat pay, I pay taxes on every penny I make. And when I go to the voting polls, I decide with my ballot what I want my money to do. When I write to my congressional and senate representatives complaining about Issue A, that’s me exercising my rights to decide what my taxes go towards. And if I don’t want to pay for Sandra Fluke’s birth control pills, that’s totally okay for me to do. Because my wife uses birth control and it sure as hell doesn’t cost us $3,000 dollars a year! If you don’t want us involved in your choices, that’s fine, but do not expect us to pay the bill for your choices either. If we have to pay the bill, we have a say. End of story. Don’t like it? Move away then.

The sign: If I were a boy, I’d never use the phrase “like a girl” as an insult.
“Too often, ‘feminine’ qualities- things like sensitivity, empathy, and vulnerability- come with negative connotations. Men suppress these qualities in the name of ‘being a man’ and they become further devalued. Besides, if I’m gonna throw ‘like a girl,’ it’s gonna be the best damn throw you’ve ever seen.”

I’ll give a partial on this. This time, the sign was good and the attendant quote sucked. But it does beggar the question, what kind of juvenile idiots are you spending your time around that you hear such phrases used? Middle school perhaps? Or kindergarten? When you’re finished playing cougar, come see how real men act and talk- it’s entirely different if they’re the right sort of men. Marines use the phrase “like a bitch” as in “Jones, you throw grenades like a bitch! Here’s a can of man, drink it all up and try again.”

The Sign: If I were a boy, I’d stop posting degrading memes about females on social media.
“I’ll never get why guys think that constantly posting pictures of Kermit the Frog saying how ‘These hoes ain’t loyal’ is going to result in any female respecting them in the social media world or otherwise.”

We don’t do it for respect, we do it because we laugh. And if you’re offended because of something related to a Kermit-the-Frog-talking-about-disloyal-hoes meme, chance are, you’re a hoe who didn’t like being called out for what she is. Quit being a whore and start acting like a lady. Or is it really that hard to keep your legs shut?

Personally, I’d like to quit being referred to as “Homo Rapeien” by the majority of feminists and male apologists out there, when I’ve never laid hands on a woman in my life without her consenting to whatever I was doing at the time. So let’s make a trade: you quit blaming me for perceived faults, I won’t laugh when people post memes pointing out the traits that mark you as being a whore.

The sign: If I were a boy I would keep my hands to myself.
“It’s bad enough to be fiercely stared down or cat-called by men, but by far one of the most unacceptable things a man can do is grope a woman against her will. A woman’s body is a temple and men have no right touching it unless there is blatant consent for it.”

Thank you for posting this while wearing the strapless top that shows off a large portion of your cleavage. It shows just how remarkably hypocritical you are. Men are visual. No ifs, ans or buts about it. We like the sight of certain things. Wearing an outfit that is guaranteed to grab our attention does that. Wearing it and expecting us not to look- that’s just plain idiocy. And you know better, otherwise you wouldn’t be doing so. When I see my wife walk past in certain outfits, I know she’s telling me to quit playing World of Tanks and pay attention to her. Now, should men be making lewd comments? No. Should they be groping you? No. But this is an imperfect world. Walk away from the words. And if they cop a feel punch them. Or knee them. Or stomp on a foot with your spike-heeled stilettos. Get their attention so they understand not to do that. Hot tip of the day: Stand up for yourself. Men can respect that. I taught my sisters how to throw a punch for good reason. Even got to watch one throw it at a guy. I wish I had it on camera so I could watch it over and over and over again.

The sign: If I were a boy, I’d take the time to have a conversation.
“Giving you my number isn’t a green light to text me at 1 am to have a ‘conversation’ or ask me to ‘hang out.’ Really it’s more intriguing for a guy to want to get to know me in person, not through a screen.”

Again with the juvenile boys. Where do women keep finding them? Do all of you employees at Elite Daily go pass out cookies to the 5th grade boys at the local middle school? Sounds like it to me. Smart men know not to text at 1am unless it’s a damned emergency. We like to be asleep at 1am, not awake and having meaningful conversation. Furthermore, don’t expect men to automatically communicate with you the way you want, all day every day. You will never find a package male who just does everything perfectly. We have to be told what your limits are, your boundaries, how you like to talk, gifts that mean something. All that and a million other things. It comes with time and working through a relationship together. It’s something modern feminists miss out on in their rush to blame the patriarchy.

It’s a nice effort ladies, but next time, do something meaningful that doesn’t come across as “if I changed genders I would still act the same way, regardless of a shift in mindset, behavioral patterns, hormones, responses and reactions to the world around me”. Don’t try to be men, try to be yourselves, and grow up a little while you’re at it. The world does not revolve around just you. Never has, never will.

It also doesn’t revolve around just men. But the whiny sniveling coming from women has got to stop, because men aren’t amused by it at all. And we’re not going to care so long as we get treated by modern feminists like trash. We have our dignity, we have our pride, we have our honor. If you prick us, do we not bleed? And we know how to respond to pricking, we return the matter in spades. Continuing to play the victim card, demanding special preferences, these actions simply sows the seeds of sexism even more. And we don’t need more sexism in our society, from either side.