I can’t really call it a recipe, because there ain’t one, is they? You starts wi’ meat, put it onna stick, and profit.
For my friends who share a mutual affection for Sir Pterry’s work, you’ll understand my amusement and nonsense that led up to this post. For those of you who haven’t yet experienced that peculiar delight, I highly recommend you start with Thud! (It’s my favorite) or maybe Going Postal, or Guards! Guards! and yes, I know it’s a big series, but you don’t have to come into it at the first book. In fact, I recommend you don’t. So! On to the, erm, recipe, as it were.
I know readers hate scrolling to find the recipe, so here it is.
2 1/2 lbs of meat, minced fine, or ground. You wants red meat. Blue, or green, that don’t sell well unless you got some exotic customers like Trolls or such. Red cooked brown, black, or grey, thats what sells. Nobody asks where you gots the meat, ennyway.
4 tablespoons minced or paste garlic. Lots’o garlic helps the customer’s breath. More is better if’n your in the wrong district.
1 tablespoon Keema or Seekh seasoning. More if you don’ mind dragon breath customers.
Big handful, or like a quarter cup, o’ mint leaves chopped real fine.
An egg. Don’ ask about the egg. Just don’t use dragon?
Usin’ both hands, squish all the ingredients around in a bowl until they are real well mixed. Squishy, squishy!
Take a handful of your seasoned meat and hold it in one hand. Take a stick in the other hand. Squeeze the meat around the stick, be firm with it. You want it to stay there whilst cooking. Oh – and soak your sticks in water a few hours beforehand, or they’ll burn when you put ’em on the grill.
Getcher grill nice’n hot. Ignore those vegetabnles inna background. Everyone knows you can’t sell veg.
Put the skewers on the grill, an’ turn ’em after a couple of minutes, until they look done. Or black. Whichever.
Now you’re cookin’! Customers’ll line up for your meat onna stick. Only problem is the cutthroat pricing. *Grumbles*
Cedar Here
Let me tell you right now that cooking with Dibbler’s voice in my head is a highly silly experience. I do recommend Veg, and some rice, and tzatziki sauce and pita bread if you are going to prepare your meat onna stick for a family feast.
Yes, Meat Onna Stick does have a certain unfortunate resemblance. We don’t talk about that.
Comments
10 responses to “Meat-Onna-Stick: How To”
Meat on a stick is a recipe you can find literally all over the world. All the local names (shish kebab for example) translate to that phrase. BTW, found out while deployed in Cyprus that Kebab was a type of goat.
Hmm. I’m going to have to figure out a recipe for this that Juniper and I can use!
It can literally be anything to season the meat.
Wow – Little Man ain’t so little anymore, is he? They grow so FAST! But then, grandkids come along. They grow fast, as well, but you do get to snuggle and cuddle again.
I MAY just make this for dinner tonight. I had to look up Keema and Seekh to make sure those ere real things, and not in the category of powdered dingbat gall bladders.
Does it matter how lean the beef is? I prefer a higher fat content, because it tastes better & isn’t as dry, but I sure wouldn’t want to have it fall off the stick & into the fire.
Would pork work?
Oh, yeah, my gift-from-God, happily-ever-after trophy wife Vanessa, the elegant, foxy, praying black grandmother of Woodstock, GA, was IMPRESSED with the guest post about tomatoes! Ours started from seedlings in five gallon pots, and they grow to the height of the cages, which is about three feet. I MIGHT be inspired enough to try to make one of those planters. Not sure. Got to ask my Uncle Mylon where it could go; he is artistically re-creating my yard.
At least, that’s what he SAYS he’s doing. I don’t really understand art that much. Is a Sumatran Amorphophallus titanum something that a lot of people enjoy?
I use a fairly high-fat (ie the cheap stuff) ground beef. Ground pork would definitely work as well.
Great! Hope you have spectacular tomatoes! The raised beds are a good way to go with a small garden – less stress in the back, easier to control weeds, and so on.
Better Sir Pterry’s meat on a stick, than the one from the Fallout games.
Of course, you could do Phil Foglio’s Quiche Lorraine avec ver de terre from Marcon 21’s cookbook as a side, that I think I posted a few months back on Sarah’s FB page……
I did a recipe from the Fallout cookbook. The Little Man is a huge fan. It was… interesting.
I found a recipe in Recipes from the Caucasus that called for cubes of pork marinated in olive oil, minced onion, thyme, and pomegranate molasses. Thread on a stick and grill until done.
Ooh. I have all those ingredients.
For a hilarious review of skewered meat, try this YouTube video “Irish People try Turkish Food. Skip to 2:25 if you’re impatient, but cute little redhead Laura “Lolsy” Byrne renders her verdict.